I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
