Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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