Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
