I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
