If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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