I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
