Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
