That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
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