We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
