Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
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