So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
