I accidentally burped into my bong.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize