just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
