Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
