You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
