when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Randomize
