im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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