Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
