I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
