apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
