All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Randomize
