Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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