Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
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