So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
