I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
