I am spending my child support on dildos
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
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