Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
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