Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize