She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
It's shark week go big or go home
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
