just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
