toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
