this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
