Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
you win again, gameday.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize