I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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