I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
