Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
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