Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
