she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
