And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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