Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
