Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
