Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
