Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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