We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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