I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
I smell stomach acid.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
jump out the window naked night went bad
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
