so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
