i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
