next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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