I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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