Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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