Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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