I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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