Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize