your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she looked like the before picture.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
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