But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
