Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
