i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
Randomize