he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
My ass is underappreciated
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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