I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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