god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
