Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
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