She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
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