You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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