Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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