OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
