then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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