So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
