Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
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