its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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