I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
