we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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