Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
