Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize