Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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